长篇大论不仅让人阅读困难，也很容易偏离原本意思。在这篇博客中，ISE 资深编辑Lisa Clancy将例举几处经由国际科学编辑ISE润色的文章来讨论如何减少科学论文中的用词累赘。 

寻找同义词

原文： People use social media to share their views, thoughts, and opinions.

改后：People use social media to share their views.

Views, thoughts 和 opinions都是同义词。你可以去掉这两个词，却不影响阅读理解。

原文： In the future, corresponding regions of the fear circuit observed in this study could serve as a basis for further study.

改后： Corresponding regions of the fear circuit observed in this study could serve as a basis for further study.

In the future 和 further study 是同义词，所以前者可以在不影响阅读理解的情况下被删除。

寻找累赘词

原文： The corrosion properties were investigated at the 2 h and 6 h time points.

改后： The corrosion properties were investigated at 2 h and 6 h.

累赘就是用不同的词重复相同的意思。在上面的例子中，我们知道2h和6h就是time points，因此可以在不影响理解的情况下去掉这一项。

原文： R2 values ranged from 0.52 to 0.79, thus suggesting that the OEE scale was reliable.

改后： R2 values ranged from 0.52 to 0.79, suggesting that the OEE scale was reliable.

Thus 在这里是多余的。虽然只有一个词被删除了，但是整个文章的小改动加起来就会提高整体的写作水平。

原文： Sea surface temperatures were highest in these months of the year.

改后： Sea surface temperatures were highest in these months.

Of the year 多余，可以在不影响理解的的情况下被移除。

寻找不必要的修饰语

原文： The vocal repertoires of the individuals belonging to the two subspecies were rather similar.

rather similar与similar之间没有区别；因此rather是不必要的，可以删除。

寻找不必要的虚词

原文： There are many studies that have shown an association between 25-hydroxyvitamin D serum level and blood pressure.

改后： Many studies have shown an association between 25-hydroxyvitamin D serum level and blood pressure.

There are 在这个例子中被称为语法上的强调补充词。它用来强调句子的主语。有时被认为是“虚词”，应该谨慎使用。

寻找重复词

原文： The cumulative release rates of β-EF-Bar and β-EF-Bar-Lip were 8% and 7.4% at 1 h, the cumulative release rates were 7.8% and 5.9% at 6 h, and the cumulative release rates were 67% and 51.4% at 192 h, respectively.

改后： The cumulative release rates of β-EF-Bar and β-EF-Bar-Lip were 8% and 7.4% at 1 h, 7.8% and 5.9% at 6 h, and 67% and 51.4% at 192 h, respectively.

在本例中，Cumulative release rates 被不必要地重复多次。

原文： The antioxidant effect of the drug is evident from the significant effect of the drug on lipid peroxidation activities.

改后： The antioxidant effect of the drug is evident from its significant effect on lipid peroxidation activities.

通常，对于简单的句子，名词或名词短语可以用代词代替。在这个例子中，名词drug可以用代词its代替，而不会影响理解。

原文： Vibrio harveyi has been extensively studied over the past 10 years. From these studies, several virulence factors have been identified in V. harveyi.

改后： Extensive studies of Vibrio harveyi over the past 10 years have identified several virulence factors.

Vibrio harveyi 可以通过组合句来避免重复。

原文： In this study, we compared the virulence of the most common serovars of Pseudomonas aeruginosa in China in BALB/c mice and piglets. Intraperitoneal injection was used to compare P. aeruginosa virulence in BALB/c mice and piglets.

改后： In this study, we compared the virulence of the most common serovars of Pseudomonas aeruginosa in China in BALB/c mice and piglets using intraperitoneal injection.

Pseudomonas aeruginosa 和 BALB/c mice and piglets 可以通过组合句来避免重复。

原文： Scholars suspect that bqsA plays an significant role in inhibiting virulence in pathogenic Vibrio and have conducted some studies to explore the function of the bqsA gene.

改后： Various studies have explored the function of bqsA, which is suspected to play a significant role in inhibiting the virulence of pathogenic Vibrio.

可以通过重组句式来避免bqsA 的重复使用。

原文： We measured serum IL- 33 levels by ELIZA assay.

改后： We measured serum IL- 33 levels by ELIZA.

ELIZA是enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay的缩写，即assay已经是全称中的一部分，不用重复。

尽可能使用主动语态

原文： The migration of HCC cells was shown to be inhibited by GA.

改后： GA inhibited the migration of HCC cells.

主动语态通常比被动语态更简洁。请参阅我们之前的博客“科学论文中的主被动语态”，了解更多关于这个话题的信息。

避免迂回的表达

原文： To find out more particular knowledge of the effects of FGF21 …

改后： To better understand the effects of FGF21 …

To find out more particular knowledge是to better understand的一种更迂回的说法。

原文： We measured the effects of FLP on apple juice yield and flavour, the results of which are presented in Figure 1.

改后： We measured the effects of FLP on apple juice yield and flavour (Figure 1).

 (Figure 1)与the results of which are presented in Figure 1一样清晰，但更简洁。

原文： It has been reported that certain pri-miRNAs are highly expressed in human embryonic stem cells.

改后： Certain pri-miRNAs are highly expressed in human embryonic stem cells.

It has been reported that 不必要地拖延了陈述的要点。用主动语态更直接。

寻找伪装成名词的动词

原文： Tissue examination was done by light microscopy.

改后： Tissues were examined by light microscopy.

在原句子中，动词“to examine”用作名词，即“examination”。当作者这样做时，必须加上弱动词，如was done。

原文： An increase in the level of amyloid peptides was observed.

改后： The level of amyloid peptides increased.

Using increase/decrease as nouns, i.e., an increase/a decrease, often increases wordiness.

increase/decrease用作名词，例如an increase/a decrease，通常会增加单词的冗余度。

文章来源于国际科学编辑 ，作者Lisa Clancy